Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
