She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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