i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
