you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
high people should be assigned attendants
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize