Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
