the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
