Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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