i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Terrible idea I love it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize