ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize