How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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