He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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