I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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