??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
