We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
