I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
