apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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