My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
