I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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