Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
