he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
