Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
