I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
