Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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