I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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