Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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