I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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