Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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