I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
