I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Still dying that you shit outside
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
