bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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