yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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