Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
