i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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