at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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