he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
