That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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