I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
