What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
