I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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