hotel room ftw
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize