You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
