the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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