Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
