I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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