The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
