the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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