the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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