Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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