i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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