A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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