Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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