Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
