peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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