a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
