The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
