my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
