I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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