How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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