I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
