um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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