he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
