I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
