Jerry, you need to find god
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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