Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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