My hair reeks of homosexuality.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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