ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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