Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
