me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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