Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
